Shoplifters
by lehappydanceforall
Summary: Human AU. Being caught shoplifting stinks, especially when you have to go to some lame Shoplifters Anonymous group to help 'better yourself'. It's not like people listen to half the crap they say. Alfred, Lovino, Ivan, and a few others are forced to go and try to make friends. Yeah right, they're all from different worlds. Hetalia, APH, Pairings, and shoplifting!


Disclaimer: I don't own hetalia

Human AU

* * *

Alfred never meant to get addicted to shoplifting; it was a complete accident. It started with him at a 7 11 down the street from his step-fathers house, he found or that they were out of coca-cola so he looked at the candy. When he picked up a Star Burst he got a call from his brother to get there NOW, so he ran out of the store. No idea that the delicious snack was still in his hands. Plus the alarm didn't go off. And Alfred himself admits it was one of the best Star Burst he's had.

After that it was small little things, candy, maybe a pair of socks, bookmarks, flip-books, and so on. Then his need for shoplifting got bigger, he'd steal books, comics, headphones, things that people really wouldn't expect him, out of all people, to steal. But the excitement would disappear after he realized they was no call to the police, or his step-father, or his step-fathers boyfriend.

Now if only he wasn't caught, all he did was steal one watch to cheer his step-brother up. An expensive watch actually. One that risked everything to get, and out of all the times to get caught he was caught then. Of course he never said he stole it for his step-brother; if he did Matthew would probably attempt to return every little thing Alfred gave him. Which would've been smart. Just watching Matthew go through his things, paranoid almost everything he owned was stolen.

"Listen, Jones," the police said.

"Um, I guess it's Kirkland now right? Gosh my parents have been dead for three years-"

"Stop it, this is what you did to the security guards," he mumbled." Almost got away with this, anyway. You've been enrolled in a shoplifting anonymous group." The police sighed, as of he's been holding his breathe.

"Aw shoot, sorry sir. I've got yearbook, drama, baseball- wait no I couldn't because my brothers in hockey..." Alfred began, thinking of more things to say. Maybe something to say that'll make them pity him and give him a get out of jail card. One that didn't involve some thing where they try to make you feel bad about being a badass shoplifter.

"Jones-

"Kirkland."

"Stop it- we're calling you parents-"

"Step-parent."

Now the police seemed extremely frustrated with Alfred, the American half-expected the big man to strangle him to death with those huge gloved hands. That would stop the humiliation of some shoplifting thing- Alfred would be fine with a little." You shouldn't have done it." Speech and being screamed at for awhile. That's all that was really needed. He'd learn his lesson, continue to shoplift, never get caught, and be the hero.

Being strangled didn't come, but the phone call to his step-parent did. If only the world could've seen the expression that Arthur had on his face as they put the expensive item on a desk, displaying the object that could've cheered up his son. The lie would've been he did one of those online games where you get prices for things: of course when he saw the watch he thought of Matthew and won it. It would've been perfect and once again he would've been the hero.

After they explained the consequences and made Arthur sign a few papers, he death-glanced at Alfred who was happily sitting by himself. The kid- teen- who almost got away with a thousand dollar watch. Alfred refused to say anything further was stolen, he did feel a hint of guilt as he lied to them. Surprisingly they listened to everything he said.

That didn't stop Arthur from getting angry. As they entered the car Arthur sighed, maybe this car ride was going to be quiet and peaceful- Alfred hated quietness. It felt unnatural." Good god Alfred, a watch?! Especially one that expensive?! You could've-"

"Done to jail- heard it a million times in a day~! Don't worry I'm a hero, so I won't do it again." Then Alfred let out his laugh, the one he held in since Arthur came in.

* * *

"Big brother shoplifts?" Feliciano asked, glancing at the pissed Italian in the back seat, his arms were folded across his chest as he glared outside the window. Blaming the world for his crime.

"Yes, yes," their grandfather huffed." If only he were as perfect as you are..." Lovino closed his eyes, the words ripped through him like a sword.

The three sat in silence when Feliciano decided to speak again," Why'd you do it?" His innocent voice asked, making Lovino wanna vomit. In fact he did roll down his window and vomit a little earlier.

Looking for the right words Lovino hissed," It wasn't my fault dammit! It's your stupid dick-"

"No cursing!" Their grandfather screamed, almost crashing into a cat. Feliciano screamed, praying the cat would be alright.

It was sickening, he just had to he caught shoplifting some stupid shirts. They weren't even that good looking- just stupid things to add to his growing collection of stolen goods. For the rest of the car ride the youngest Italian tried to ask questions until their grandfather told him to shut up. So Feliciano just began humming, beating out the sounds from the outside world.

They arrived and Lovino jumped from the car like he was kidnapped- in his opinion he was. Lovino said he'd walk home, of course Feliciano said he would miss him and the neighborhood was dangerous. Yeah right, Lovino himself probably was the most dangerous one in the whole neighborhood. He sprinted to the house, throwing open the door to see his mother sweeping, she attempted to say hello but he was already half way up the stairs.

When he arrived in his small room, he noticed down the stack of paper on his desk fell over. Lovino mumbled to himself as he slumped into his chair, grabbing the pen and taking out the black notebook that read." Keep your paws off." In red sharpie. Lovino flipped through the papers of memories and feelings as he found a partly blank page. From there he began scribbling what came to mind.

_Dear whatever, _

_Some dickhead caught me stealing shirts. He looked all like," I'm so mighty I bust teens who shoplift," even though Ive stolen from that store dozens of times. Idiot. I should probably go pit pocket him, that'd be fucking amazing. God I curse to much, no one really cares. Not even Antonio. Fuck Antonio, fuck the world. That stupid dickish guy from the store too. _

_Bye._

Satisfied with what he wrote, he slammed closed the notebook tossed it aside and attempted to do homework. Math, boring. Science, he didn't even know what they were learning. Writing, holy shit he forgot he even had writing. Somehow he got an A in it anyway.

That's when his mother entered, her hair was parted to the side. A soft smile on her tanned face as she spoke," Honey, I heard you were breaking the law..."

"Fuuuuuuck..." Lovino muttered and he covered his face with his hands, wishing that the world would just explode. Or he'd wake up and find out his conscious was messing with him because it knew he was breaking the law. To think it just started with a dang bead necklace.

"No cursing sweetie," she snapped." Listen, you're not going to jail. But," of course there was the but, there always was one," your going to shoplifters anonymous."

Great, just great. As if Lovino had enough shit to deal with. An annoying brother, a reputation at school, not to mention a ship load of homework. Now this?

"I really think it'll help you."

* * *

A new scarf. Why not? The one Ivan owned had recently become itchy, he'd love to wear it because it smelt like his sister. Also he was sure he was getting hives from his scarf, for some unknown reason. Ivan didn't want to go to the hospital for it: he hated the hospital. To much medicine smells and needles.

Quickly Ivan stuffed the scarf under a jacket that he'd like, why not buy something too? He was about to steal a scarf, they deserved some of his respect. The woman checking out how much clothes you had looked frightened from him, she tilted her head.

"Damn you're tall." Then she gave him a card that said 1 on it. Ivan silently thanked her then went to an empty dressing room.

Quietly he removed the tags from the scarf, then stared at the other tag. The tag that'd spray ink on every inch of his soon to be new scarf. After a while he managed to strike it in the right place so it'd not ink on every inch of the clothing. He walked out, gave the card back to the girl who just asked him for his number. In which he replied," I don't have a phone." She shrugged and went back to looking bored as he purchased his jacket and walked out.

While Ivan walked toward the exit of the mall he froze, the feeling of being watch irked him. Spinning around he saw a security guard. They approached him." Sir, did you buy that scarf?"

"Of course!" Ivan beamed, giving his innocent looking smile.

"Can we see your recite?"

The Russian froze, he was beaten. Finally as he sat in a maddening white room, his sister arrived tears rolling down her pale face. He waved slightly, unaware of his wrong doings. He bought a jacket to, didn't he?

"Oh Ivan! You're going to shoplifters anonymous!" She cried, taking him to the car as Ivan scratched at his annoying scarf thinking how wonderful it would've been if he succeeded like he usually did.

But shoplifters anonymous sounded a bit fun. Didn't it?

* * *

That's all for now! Please review, and if you want anyone else going to shoplifter anonymous please comment!

Yes this is based off of Trinkets. I've been reading to many shoplifting things... Sorry if they were ooc! I apologize and Ill try to fix it!


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